Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
