Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
