between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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