I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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