I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
