I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
