I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
