like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dicks are not precious.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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