You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
