I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
