Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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