What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
