I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
