Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
