Dual....:-)
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
