ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You made out with two different species that night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
