I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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