I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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