the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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