On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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