My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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