im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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