I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
