we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
