I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
