ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
