You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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