If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
