You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
