i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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