I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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