Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
