It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
