If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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