This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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