Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
