Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
