Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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