so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
