She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
