He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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