I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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