SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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