ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
