does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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