I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We're too hungover to prance.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
