Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
