The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
