tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
