i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Randomize
